Mystery of Expecting and Complaining

  
You must have seen instances where similar outcomes attract starkly different reactions from different people. For example same marks in an exam (may be 20% or 90%), same results in a sport (like exit in 1st round of French open), or denial of promotion, or even the acts where little efforts have gone into the preparation like not winning anything in a lottery. Though outcomes are identical, yet different people respond to these situations differently; some relish and enjoy, some are indifferent and some complain.

What determines this response? One very simple explanation can be the intrinsic human nature, which varies from person to person depending on up-bringing, socialization and mood etc. But this alone cant explain the whole variation b'coz even the same person can behave differently to two similar outcomes. For example I am very happy when I get (just) passing marks in subject A whereas I feel like crying when I get same marks in subject B. I think one of the major reasons behind this is "our own expectations". I will be happy to get 40% marks if I expected to fail and will get disappointed if I expected to top in the subject. So, can we say, if we want to avoid disappointment and live in a good mood we must have no (or very modest) expectations?

Incidentally, isn't this what Indian mythology (Geeta) conveys "Act without expecting returns"?

And what determines  our expectations? For a normal, worldly human being it is very natural to have high expectation where he/she has put in efforts. Without positive expectation, there won't be any motivation to put in efforts! So, expectations are directly related to "our own efforts" and vice versa. So, will it not be wise to restrict putting much effort b'coz it leads to high expectations and hence disappointments (assumption: nobody 'always' succeeds as much as he expected). This will lead to no disappointment at failures and a lot more happiness at little expected successes. I know the chances of success will be far less without effort.

Well, still this is my mantra for being happy and contended and it also justifies my lazy and laid-back approach/attitude :)

 

Importance of Unlearning

 
When you become aware of some convincing fact but still want to ignore, overlook or forget it and believe otherwise, is it always easy to do so? Are you able to unlearn comfortably?

We stress a lot on "learning" but ironically its equally important counterpart "unlearning" is often ignored and seldom talked/discussed.

Lets take one of my favorite examples, the example of faith in God. Once you realize that there's nothing supernatural about God, rather it's just a concept, a thought invented by intelligent human(s) for the betterment (through controlling, disciplining or directing)of  society, can you again start believing in the super-natural, continuously interfering (punishing and rewarding) role of God because thinking like this will make life much easier/simpler? Believing in supernatural God will normally simplify your life and lighten your mind by eliminating many "why" (which science couldn't explain till date) and replace it by "GOD planned like that" or similar answers. You can easily get forgiven for your wrongdoings, you can seek blessings, pardon and also draw hope and power. Even you can attribute your failure to the will of that God. For every small or big decision, you won’t have to think, apply your logic but simply follow what (the) God or God-men instructed us to do.

Looking at benefits, reverting back is Not a bad deal even for a purely rational mind, isn't it? But still, reverting back to your earlier faith (or degree/intensity of faith) is not at all easy. That's the problem with unlearning!! Learning may be difficult but unlearning is even more difficult.

Whatever you learnt in your childhood (may be through socialization, up-bringing or culture) is hard to change even when proven factually wrong; e.g. if you belong to North India, you are likely to believe that full-fat milk or ghee is the best source of nutrition. Now when you discover that skimmed-milk is scientifically proven to be equally good for health without giving any extra fat content, you find it difficult to convince yourself and change your food habits accordingly. Similarly, when your discover that ghee is as bad for heart as any hydrogenated fat (aka Dalda), you can't convince yourself but keep your disrespect for Dalda little changed.

We are not able to unlearn easily, which is very essential for making wise, rational decisions in life. Is there any way that we can master the art of unlearning? Will relying on logic rather than intuition or traditional knowledge help?

I am trying to think how to make unlearning easier, any directions are welcome!
 

Journey vs Destination

 

Let's take a simple example of a 400m race. What is most enjoyable for a runner; is it only the last step when he touches the finish line or the whole race when he crosses all others athletes on his way, one by one? Or to further enlarge the scope, is it the final race or the innumerable days of practice that he enjoys the most?

Isn't the process of achieving something more exciting and enjoyable than the achievement itself? I fear many of you might be confused.

Let's take the case of a fighter jet pilot, its almost immaterial for pilot at what altitude or speed he is cruising, he feels the thrill when (and how fast) it's ascending or accelerating. Isn't it?

Let's take another simple example from our lives. Lets take two cases; 1st a person who owns a Mercedes Benz E class or Ferrari since last 5 years and 2nd a person who used to have an old Bajaj scooter, has moved gradually to Maruti-800 to Hyundai Accent to Honda Accord in those 5 years. Who do you think is richer? And who do you think is more likely to be happier and more satisfied?

Isn't it that we enjoy the process of rising/ascending rather than the height/altitude itself?

Is the same not true about our career, status also? Most people would agree that they don't have a goal to have exact 'k' million wealth but they simply enjoy amassing more and more (immediate goal is to have a little more than one has at a time). We try to improve our status, position, bank balance just because we don’t like stagnation. But what exactly are we trying to achieve? Perhaps we don’t even know that or that doesn't even matter because we enjoy the process only!

When there is no real charm for an ultimate goal (b'coz there is actually none), where does this excitement about the process come from? Can this be justified by any logic?

Will it be wise to step aside for a moment and relook at our own journey, methods and goals? What is the driving force of our lives?

A thought to ponder upon "Is life a journey or a mission with an ultimate goal?"